When I first started dancing at Uni I hated it.
I haven’t mentioned that I have never attended a ballet class. I have never been graded in Jazz, Modern or Contemporary (slightly in GCSE) and my main style is Hip-hop/Commercial so being thrown into a group with some seriously talented dancers who have trained since they started walking was hard. My confidence, as usual, was knocked and I felt incapable. My attendance was so bad that I had dug a hole I couldn’t get out of. This is where my anxiety (which I struggle with anyway) went through the roof and I was ringing my mum at least twice a day to either have a breakdown or tell her my new plan for my life (going to a new Uni and starting a whole new subject).
Then take into consideration that I was going out in Bristol ¾ times a week suffering from massive alcohol comedowns for the foreseeable days ahead.
It was only after my first show (which was almost cancelled due to our attendance as a group) that I remembered why I’m here and why I chose Dance in the first place. The adrenaline I felt after coming off stage and hearing the comments I heard, suddenly I remembered why dancers train so hard, eat so well and sleep so much, is for that 3 hour buzz you get after performing. For the next three days I had a permanent glow and couldn’t wait to get back in the studio.
Obviously a couple of days went by and it came to Sunday evening, getting my dance clothes ready where reality struck and actually it was another long and very strenuous Monday. But since New Year, I’ve drank ⅔ times, eaten mostly potatoes, fish and vegetables, and get at least 9 hours sleep every night. I’m seeing massive changes in my body, I haven’t missed a single class and have been training harder than ever for my next show in a couple of months, where I will feel confident enough to get everyone to come and watch me.
I haven’t felt anxious (rarely) since then. So never forget why we work so so hard as performers, it’s for that short buzz after months of work where it all pays off.